I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Dick very happy bro
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
