Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
