Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
