how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
sarcasm needs its own font
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
