I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
