Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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