Can Purell be used as lube?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
