go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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