i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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