best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I want to be your penis for a week.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
