Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
