i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
