eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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