I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
