to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
