Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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