It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
