its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
