I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I didn't notice because vodka
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
