I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Randomize
