Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
