OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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