I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
