Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
