I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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