and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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