i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
