WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
