sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
