Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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