just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
