Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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