So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
