defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
