i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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