porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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