What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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