We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
