Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
