3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
