I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
