Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
