I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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