I hate your face
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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