Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
