..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
