Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
