ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
