Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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