i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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