now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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