Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
