Don't make out with my wife yet
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
